I’m staring in the face of a total psychological collapse. I think this book is stupid, I think I’m a self-absorbed, gross human being that somehow hasn’t killed himself yet. I was trying to figure out if I was angry or my heart was just lost in my head and I kept bouncing it back and forth IN my thoughts hoping it’d land back in my chest.
I think I’m just certain a place for me to create a darker path for myself because it feels right.
Recently There hasn’t been any euphoric momentary bliss there are no images in my head of the future. I can’t see myself holding a woman’s hand and telling her I want her for the rest of my life. Ive trapped my self in a box again. Like I did six years ago. There is no light here nor is there a melody for me to create something. I am in a corner, watching my demons mockingly call to me to reach for a door that isn’t there. How can I conquer the world when I can’t even conquer myself?
The mystery of my life, constantly asking myself how I’m still alive.
My family is slowly dying. My cousin tried to take her life. I wanted to show her the pain in my eyes and that her wrist didn’t need to bleed for the world to see it. That she could save herself and maybe her kids too if only she wasn’t so far gone and everyone wasn’t so afraid to talk to her
I choose to carry the weight of the people I encounter upon my shoulders. I want the world to tell me their heartache so I can save it, I Hope there are aliens out there, who visit me and tell me I’m destined to save the Galaxy. I’ve given up on saving myself. I hope God exist outside of my imagination.
I think my heart shattered again as it rattled through my mind. I feel like I lost people who mattered to me, there’s a woman who held pieces of my heart but I think i ruined that all in a matter of complex sentences that confuse my messages. I never got the steps right when it came down to telling you that I lost my mind. I digress onto topics about my obsession with the moon and stars in hopes your mind would venture to the places I never shared with anyone else. I created a void in your relationship. Now you create a void in me to repair it all, in the end you won’t need me and all of the things you’ve wanted will be there for you. You wish you never met me.
I wanted to hold someone’s hand and feel their warmth hoping it would bring me back to reality.
That’s a fantasy I’ve created while my demons laugh in my face.
I don’t think I grew up. I feel like a hopeless child whose still afraid to adventure outside.
I feel the hot breath of hell tingling up my spine as my back is pressed against the dark
To be honest I’ve just been pissed off at myself, and I’m just lost in this sea of emotions that I’ve yet to explore completely