Reciprocation

Writing

I tied remnants of my dreams and jettisoned them out of my mind so that I can rest easier. I do it all hoping to see the bigger picture. Maybe the lines will become vivid and the curves on the abstract lines will straighten out.  I throw these thoughts out constantly and repeatedly. Knowing that the constant repetition of each word I struggle and stutter upon loses meaning somehow. I swallow my pride and the words I’ve struggled to say are dragged across the back of my throat. I can hardly recognize the words that escape my mouth I’ve re-molded and reshaped them countless times in my dreams. Each word that I can’t speak does acrobatics down my esophagus. I engrave the words into the lobes of my brain so I won’t forget them: but my heart is weak and I still fumble and fiddle with their words as I try and flick them brashly out with my tongue. All I’ve been trying to say. The only word that I want to stutter out so poetically: reciprocate.

Reciprocate that feeling that I gave you so that I can feel something, so that my dreams aren’t so haunted by these burden-filled words. Reciprocate those emotions so I can be reminded how much I dislike feeling this way. Remind of why I’ve stuttered and scattered these words through my veins to keep them hidden. Remind me of why I hate these emotions so that you won’t have to reciprocate. But please reciprocate; tell me how your heart yearns for mine. I used to chant your name incoherently before I partied with my pain every evening before I lay upon my bed.  Please tell me to wake up from this nightmare of a reality I’ve been trapped in. Loosen my tongue and help me scream to hell and back of my twisted thoughts. I’ve watched you tap dance in circles in my dreams as if to mock me. I tied you up, and threw you out of my mind so that I can rest easier. Thoughts of you linger still in my dreams in my daily thought processes. I am weak to your tendencies. My tongue did back flips as I tried to seduce your ear with my melodic phrases. All I wanted to lull into your heart was “don’t break away”, without you around I’ll waste away. I’ve hit the bottom now for a bit, you’ll find me again one day when the words are with me once more.

 

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