Heavy Luggage

Writing

We risk our lives every day; all for the greater good of our family and friends. We risk it all to find some slice of happiness in the bitter crumbling pieces of pie that falls to pieces with the least bit of pressure from a hand. I’m not positive on how I feel about what direction my life is going in anymore. I feel as if I haven’t able to find the feeling that I’ve searched for.  Promises that I’ve made to myself that never seem to fall through, the horrific experiences leading myself to think that I am my own greatest disappointment. Realizations that tear drops and anger don’t heal the mental vendettas that I hold upon myself.

I blame my negligence on the piece of pie I was handed that was already crumbling and falling to tiny pieces. I can’t bring myself to blame myself again, so I’ll blame it all upon the life I have been handed.

The truth will not set you free, the truth will burn through our skin and leave our lungs burned with the sins we have committed.

I do not see myself as a sinner, I don’t think I’ve done wrong, I don’t believe that I’ve ever harmed anyone.

I’ve noticed my grandmother aging, and it’s bringing out the man in me. The independence that I should’ve come to realize years ago; I was so lost in the transition from being a kid to being an ambitious young man; Stuck in the reality that I wake up every day and see that I lack any improvement. I see that I’m losing it

I risk my life every day, just by waking up and rummaging through dilated thoughts of depression. Certain weights upon my heart that make me believe that I am the last resort for happiness that my family needs so badly to achieve. I’m suffering with back pains from carrying luggage that is over packed with the burdens of generations of hope that I never asked for. The weight I waited too long to set it down to rest to check if everything inside was packed tight and folded and placed properly.

It seems as if the luggage that I’ve been carrying upon my shoulders was never packed correctly and I’ve spent too long of a time trying to become the great promising man that I’ve dreamt of becoming that I never paid attention to the right things.

I should’ve taken time out to re-design the blueprint that I laid out for myself.

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