It will never be easy to stay positive, your mind initially wants to think negative and your thoughts are all for the worse. Yet you refuse to utter them. Mouth sewn shut by your pride and the simple fact you simply care about the ones around you. Better yet, often time’s words don’t need to be said when there is a pause of solemn silences. Nostalgic photographs that captured the moment of awkward bliss of a person lay around the homes of mourning mothers.

Picture frames held drenched in the sorrow drops falling from red eyes of crushed hearted family members. Firm beliefs tossed around to reassure them all that their loved one is somewhere with a higher power, dancing tangos with stars and milky nebulas. Family’s prayers reaching up hoping the newly buried finds their passed away loved ones as they spin and twirls amongst the stars. Hope is scarce and the tears form rivers under the rugs of worn out Indian fabrics. When you find yourself practicing ballet in a sorrow filled home, dance with the devil or sit alone with an angel.

There you found me though, wallowing in self pity and the stench of depression fresh upon my heart strings. You found me every now and then, you and I always create a spark of amazement to astonish away the things I hold. When I fell off my adolescent throne and plummeted into a river of grief as I watched people around me fall there were never any “are you okay?” or “are you alright” uttered from the ones around. I only found dirt upon my clothes and a fistful of anger. Swept up into an angry fit by the constant apologies that were supposed to be sympathetic they all glaze over me.

I think you found me as you found my brother. I believe that’s what inspired me. That poem he wrote that I stole and read. It was entitled “Hell” it was short but the way he constructed his lines made it all seem so heartfelt.

I’m glad you found me before I became drunk off of sympathetic voices and meaningless apologies.

You found me after a funeral: my mother’s service and ever since I’ve loved you.

And ever since then I’ve never attended another funeral service, I don’t want to see the tears and sorrow that comes with it all.

You’ll always be my pain relief.

Because I’ll always be inspired by the events in life to create these lines, without these words I don’t know who I’d be.

There will never be a question or any query that will change my mind that I’ll always be in love with my own creation of words and patterns to tell my own life stories.



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