I take a few grown candies for pain, slithering down my system a foolish attempt to find solace within the madness of my life. I start to see visions of paradises of a home where I’m not mother and fatherless. Sitting alone within my room, mentally fighting to myself to decipher the line between love and lust and where I stand on it all. My hunger for failure roars throughout my body as I digest acidic capsules of joy. I have conversations with my friends. They tell me how I developed into this person that I am.
My first and most distant friend talks to me: happiness. We first met the moment I was born, the moment I first saw my mother’s smile and we reconnected once more when I found some false existence in the eyes of the ones around me. Happiness and I have always been at far paths away from one another. I wish to be with it, yet it is so far. My other friends push happiness so far away from me. Happiness whispers to me of how I’ve grown and how I’ve lead a life without it for too long and that it misses me, I used to miss it to, now I’ve got by without for a little while. Happiness and I are at a stand-still, we’ve been pushed apart, yet happiness screams at me that it’ll never fade away.
I’m waiting for my other friends to enter my hallucinations and tell me how I’ve become different and how I’ve never kept my words. Waiting for them to visit me while I fall deeper into this floor, it is unmoved yet my mind is a victim of the abuse I sling at it.
Lying upon the carpeted floor imaging galaxies upon my ceiling, my mind trying to escape the boundaries of reality as I trip slowly from consciousness to a foreign state I’ve never experienced yet.
Cursing the life I’ve been given, waiting for my chance to be loved or wanted, waiting for someone to say I’m worth it, someone to say that I’ve done enough and gone through just enough to say that…
My friend happiness and I can finally reconnect and make memories like we used to.