I’d like to think that I am an adult, trite and true. I’m just still a kid; I lack the realities that so many other adults have. I’m still getting the hang of actually having responsibilities and balancing work and pleasure. I haven’t figured out how to complete balance the highs and the lows of my life. I used to think of myself as a grand philosophical person with the right words for the right moments. I spend most of my time, constantly pushing people away when they are close to me because I’m afraid of a change in my reality. I’d like to say that I’m scared to truly just a coward afraid to grow up. I can’t say that seeing as I’ve grown up too fast, experiencing moments that should have been savored yet I simply allowed them to digest within my soul. I lacked emotional depth and prowess with the way I acted.
All though I’ll never forget the memories I created, I never got to make them solid. Something I could love and go back to. I just rushed through it all. I’m within a mental jail; I have to break myself out. I used to believe I couldn’t make any mistakes, used to believe that I could never be wrong. I hate to see myself down or anyone else, so I’d pretend to be superman and save everyone.
I’ve made mistakes and I’ve failed to learn from them, I’m getting the hang of this adulthood thing, but I’m still just a kid.
I’m not too sure what life is about or the point of so many people wanting to grow up so fast, the faster you go. The less you enjoy those moments that you crashed past just to reach this proclaimed amazing state of living.
When you reach this peak, all you’ll find is what you put in front of yourself.
I’ve put my past in front of me in hopes of maybe just maybe I’ll uncover the hidden parts of my memories and discover the key to what I need to become a true “adult”, for now I’m alright with just being a kid for a bit longer.