Pornographic moments flash vividly upon my cerebellum. The memories and moments solidified behind my eyes almost like fossils shaped and imprinted by the ones involved they became embedded and left a mark upon this earth. These moments were once the thing that I needed. Love, affection, attention, compassion, companionship all I thought I needed. I lacked these things as I grew up from a child, sponge like and innocent. Absorbing and analyzing everything questioning the things that children do. Yet I lacked the things that we all craved. I am unable to absorb things as well now. Maybe because I have spent too long in search of the love and other things that I wasn’t absorbing as a child, my time as a sponge is over. I can’t absorb anymore, I think it is time to let some of what I absorbed and learned of the world go. I must let go of the ignorance, the false hopes and dreams, and the belief that serendipitous moments will soon happen.
What shall happen if I denounce it all? If I denounce ignorance I will simply be called naïve, ignorance is need at times I suppose. If I denounce god, I am branded a demon and shame to the world. If I denounce the way that I am, the way that I carry myself I will simply be just another soulless eyed and lifeless being walking along a daily routine. I am defined by the way I convey my words, the way I convey my emotions and the conviction in which I speak with. In the end is it all really worth it to denounce and give up it all? Without the things that I absorbed in my days as a sponge, I wouldn’t be this fortress of satin laced words and soft spoken silk phrases woven within my mind. Even though I wasn’t able to or allowed to absorb the things that I desired as a child and now as a man I have always been fine without. I will continue to be fine without them. I once thought that I needed many things but I have always been fine with few things.