happiness’ little monster

Writing

I believe that we all say what we want, but go for what will eventually hurt us. It’s tempting and beautiful, then you start to see that it wasn’t worth in the end but you stay because you’ve grown accustomed to the pain that we let it grow into a beast that enshrouds our relationships. It becomes a shadow of the things we wanted becoming the things we believe we want. So you continue on the path thinking that the feeling of being high on love is real and that it will last but, the come down occurs and we realize that it wasn’t as good as we believed it to be, the monster pounces upon your chest digging to your heart. It burrows deep into your heart and makes itself at home, creating doubt and ideas you never thought of. Flashbacks of the moments where you should’ve doubted but believed it was all real. Your heartache is growing as the monster slowly rips through it leaving you feeling split open and thoughts spewing forth from your heart and mind.

We believe everything is alright until all of the small worries grow and become what we fear. Happiness can be falsified to candy coat our bitter lives and pains. We all want to be loved and thought about before someone sleeps and as they dream and wake. To be desired back as we desire them. That’s what everyone wants. I don’t believe this is true. I don’t think will ever go to bed thinking of me, wanting me or needing me, or even dreaming of me, all in their own respective romantic ways. No one has ever asked me why, but to be honest I just don’t believe that I’m wanted nor admired. I believe in the existence of someone that will love us and make us happier than ever could’ve been alone.

And that person will destroy your little monster and heal the hole in your heart, and fill it with the things you’ve dreamed of.

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