chapter 12, denial

Writing

I have my issues, I have my problems. I get angry and then swiftly apologize for my actions because I believe people don’t deserve that they have more to be concerned with than my anger or my futile emotions. I’m just a teenager who has just as many dark thoughts as anyone else. I have my struggle with the pain that comes with emotions, I say to myself “you don’t need to feel a damn thing, life is going to be alright without these emotions.” Thinking the words are true I push my emotions to the back of my heart, but a few compliments and adorable smiles bring them forth and I forget that I never wanted to feel anything. I spread apart their emotional composition looking for the good and bad. I accept it all. I treat them with affection and respect. My attention is focused on them, their attention on another. I find the truth after a while of one-sided make-believe. Let’s pretend we are in love and that it is all alright, that way we won’t be harmed. Silly thoughts, childish at best we all hate to admit it but we all have these thoughts. They make us want to believe in something but in the end reality has to come back and open your eyes to the reality of life. I’m still young and I don’t know how to feel a lot of things completely. So I’ll rush into situations as if I were an amateur terrorist rushing ignorant to the rules and regulations of the role.

Being a teenager is shitty.

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