chapter 10, lost in thought again

I don’t know what is in my head anymore, I want you.  I know I’m not wanted though, I’ve arrived at the peak of my insane thoughts and I’m attempting to write a memoir. I’m scared to reach the climax of my life. I’m a bacteria slowly dying as I am squirming along searching for new victim to latch onto. Victims that is all that these girls are too me. A victim to my limitless affection and love, I infect them with my sweet words and kind demeanor. They tell me have patience and that we’ll be together. Seductive lies, they become immune to my sweet poisonous words and soon enough find a cure to the bacterium that is me.  Ejected viciously from their systems, I search for a way back into their minds and hopefully their hearts. All this does is driving me to madness where I judge myself.

I don’t know what is in my head anymore, I’m lost. I’m writing this for the world’s eyes to see. I am on the edge of a mountain called life. I have been standing at the mountain peak. As I stand and look over the horizon looking for sympathetic breezes and way to live my life in a grander way. Delusional and misunderstood, typical teenage youth I am the same. I am planning to escape the world or to change it. I plan to escape my demons and no other options remain in this matter. They grab at me and try to bring me down because I lack guidance. My mind is out of control and my thoughts are running violently behind my innocent eyes that view the world so foully. Life isn’t pleasing me and death is teasing the ones around me each moment.  I reach my hand out but temptation is grabbing them, the death isn’t real but the loss of a friend is as genuine as death to me right now. Silly words and rough-tongued hooligans grasp them.


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