chapter 6, drugs and emotions

Writing

Saying “I love you” the words never fell through but even with all of that love it still hurts so badly.  I’m trying to find a balance in pill bottles and drunken nights. Family telling me they love me but I love the booze. All of their encouraging words falling through my body bouncing across the floor, trying to make you all proud but I’m not that smart nor am I this amazing. I’m just a lost boy whose trying to ease life pain, but all I can find is more empty promises and “I hate you” just words but they cut so deep within my soul. I hate to see myself hurt. I smile to hide it all away; I want the world to know I’m a fake. I want all my friends to not worry about me. I don’t want to be this way but this is who I am today.

I have the benefit of being able to float in and out of people but that’s just high school. I’m just another kid going through life trying to get accepted. I’ve been searching for the real friends that you see in the movies of teenage years that are supposed to be sex-driven. Hollywood depiction of the world that I live in it’s all so tempting to believe in. it’s getting harder to find a balance in this world so I’ve been relying on sedating my pain with nickels and dimes, sometimes even quarters. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way maybe because I’m scared of growing up and I still feel the need to pursue a girl that I know won’t feel the same.

Why don’t they teach this shit in school?

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