It’s funny. Life I mean. I swear I don’t know who I am anymore, yet I remember most of the times and things I’ve been through. My life has been this roller coaster with dramatic pauses and climatic stops. I’m becoming less sincere than ever, I think I’m caught in the moments that I can’t figure out. Maybe my greatest fear is not being able to comprehend the things that happen in my life. I swear that the first thing to leave me was my childhood; he had the shape of an innocent naïve child with pipe dreams. Slowly as I let him run away the insanity set in. I keep thinking that things will change. Nothing ever changes; I will forever be who I am. I will find the truths of my life in wine bottles and broken blunts. My mind keeps digressing into violent beauty. Maybe this happened because I believed that love was all I needed.
In the end I don’t know, I remember how I used to feel when it all started. I wanted someone to tell me that they felt the same way about things or at least about me. Yet I knew it would be a lie. I am back to who I was three ago. I’m lost within my own mental state, trapped in a state of pretend and fake happiness. I don’t really want to feel the things that are around me. I’m just trying to live. Who is going to stop me from just being okay? People say be happy, they say that I deserve happiness. I know I do but the things that slide slowly through the trenches in my mind almost as if they were soldiers trapped down by enemy fire. Grenades explode, the chaos is bliss all of the pain and torment. It’s all just a diversion to avoid the heartache. War never changes, but people do.