Drowning

Writing

Help me, help me. The child in me screams out as he is slowly sinking to the bottom of the raging waters that is my ocean. My ocean’s waters are black and as the reach the light of my heart they chip away at the light, what’s left of my heart in the sky, crashes down onto my the child that was once me. His eyes glance at me with the intent of killing. He pleads for help yet he sees me there silver tears slowly falling down my cheek and grasping the sky, and then grasping the ground. I didn’t want to drown him. I didn’t want to lose him. But he is gone now; his hands reach up blood slipping from them as he falls to the bottom hating me. I’m just stuck here, too scared to leave, and too frightened to move forward. I’m simply stuck in the lapses of time watching as all of the parts of me slowly die away, as my pumping heart slowly turns dark from the ocean’s black waves. I’m trapped here, on my mind. Thinking of the world, it gives my shelter from the death that beats its wings for me. I hear the voice, I hear him, I hear him… I hear him. I hear him. I see him, I fear him. My childhood staring into my eyes repeating “death beats its wings for you”, “death awaits you” I can’t move my legs; I can’t run away this time. He had drowned I watched him die away. Why won’t my weakness go away? Why won’t my sorrow drown away my childish insanity? Why does nothing I do work anymore?

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