That cold night, I thought of my life as a movie.
Sequences where I was the main actor I held a gun and shot at the bad guys with a look within their eyes.
That look where they know why they are looking to destroy the world or why they wanted to murder so many helpless souls, yet they won’t confess. They don’t want to be judged.
I judged the villain in front of me as I stared into the lids of his soul’s gates. They were hues of purples and grays. He opened his arms to me and his heartbeat I could hear it, could hear all of the sins that were left within his body. I heard it yet I am so far. He closed the gates to his colored souls. There was white smog within the air, an echo sounded. The main actor stood with eyes wide shut. His soul pleading for reasons to regret his decisions to do the things he did this night. If he had value in his tears, maybe he’d learn to drop them.
No He didn’t want to he wanted to cause the trauma to the world that the villain caused him.
Maybe al l of this was because he saw those eyes that the villain held that kept judging him; they kept telling him that he wasn’t right for what he did what about him wanting to love the main actor’s wife? What about the stupid things he was paranoid about?
It wasn’t just him. The paranoia isn’t just him.
My alarm is ringing.
Time for school, I fucking hate getting up this early,
These damn dreams aren’t true are they?
I don’t want to be the main actor in a movie where I get my heart broken and my own values tested.
This alarm is annoying, my glasses aren’t on I can’t see.
The red neon lights reminiscent of Vegas lights, they made my vision worse, my nose is stuffed up.
Ugh fuck this, I’d rather stare into black splatter stains in a bland therapist office than wake up right now.
Maybe my next dream I’ll be sonic the hedgehog, maybe a ninja. Maybe I’ll have the girl I wanted